What I've learned from 7 years of telling guys I'm a virgin

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Question: Dear Tanya, I am anxious about dating as I am in my 30s and still a virgin. I have never had a relationship and only kissed people once or twice after a lot of alcohol was consumed. How can I overcome my fear and start dating? Answer: In my work I meet folks who are very distressed that they have not lost their virginity. They get progressively anxious as time passes and they remain either dateless or sexually inexperienced. Firstly, can I say — there is nothing wrong with you. We live in a world that emphasises sex and sexual activity, and that can make folks who are not sexually active or very sexual feel as if they are some kind of freak or misfit.

By 16, I had my first boyfriend, and telling him I was a virgin was a no-brainer because he was also my first kiss. He was the bad-boy type—definitely more knowledgeable than I was—and I was attracted to him even though I knew I would never have sex along with him. It was just too adolescent for me; and anyway, I hunt to wait until I loved the guy I was with, and my first boyfriend was just a compress. So at 16, I thought I had it all figured out: achieve someone special and all the pieces will fit together pun intended.

Although what you see on TV after that in movies, having sex for the first time is rarely romantic, affable, or sexy. Sure, it can be—in theory. It was with my boyfriend on our one-year anniversary. My angst got the best of me, after that I freaked out and told him to stop after the first direction.

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